This message will self-destruct in 5... 4... 3... (just kidding, we're not that advanced yet. Or are we? 🕵️♂️)
Are you tired of your boring 9-to-5 job? Do you dream of a life filled with intrigue, danger, and the constant fear of polygraph tests? Look no further! International Mirrors is recruiting*.
Dive into the world of espionage without the risk of actual treason! Our state-of-the-art AI will generate thrilling scenarios that will test your wit, cunning, and ability to keep track of elaborate lies. It's like social media, but with more fake identities!
Be the first to know when we launch. Enter your email below (we promise it won't be intercepted by enemy agents... probably):
Got a burning question? Leave it here in our state-of-the-art, definitely-not-monitored message box:
Q: "I got caught, am in a Lubyanka cell. There are large rats running around. Are they ours?"
A: If they're wearing tiny earpieces and designer fur coats, they're ours. If they're filing paperwork and demanding bribes, they're FSB agents. Either way, don't mention the cheese in your sock.
Q: "I accidentally recruited my neighbor's cat as an asset."
A: Common mistake. Cats are notoriously unreliable double agents. They'll work for anyone with a can of tuna. Recommend immediate debriefing (catnip optional).
Q: "Last thing I remember is laying in bed with a beautiful woman, but now it's freezing cold outside, everyone around here is chained, and the woman is gone!"
A: Congratulations! You've experienced the classic "Honey Trap to Siberia Express" package. Please rate your experience on TripAdvisor. Pro tip: Next time, try our "Suspicious But Safe" dating service.
Q: "My cover identity as a mime is becoming too convincing. I haven't spoken in weeks."
A: Try our emergency deprogramming service: 6 hours of non-stop dad jokes and karaoke. Warning: May cause excessive talking.
Q: "The microdot in my caviar was actually caviar. What now?"
A: Enjoy your dinner. Sometimes a fish egg is just a fish egg. But maybe don't tell accounting about the mixup.
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ Trench Coat™ Pro Max
Perfect for summer surveillance! Features 47 pockets, built-in air conditioning, and converts into an emergency tent. Warning: May cause suspicious sweating in August.
⭐⭐⭐⭐ Microphone-in-a-Potted-Plant 3000
Your ficus is listening! Now with improved photosynthesis algorithms. Minus one star because it keeps demanding water breaks.
⭐⭐⭐ Invisible Ink Pen Plus+
Works great! But we can't find it. If you see it, please let us know.
⭐⭐ Self-Destructing Briefcase
Destroys itself perfectly! Unfortunately, also destroys the documents inside. Currently seeking new R&D team.
⭐ AI-Powered Disguise Generator
Still in beta. Currently stuck suggesting "mustache + hat" for every situation. Even for dogs.
*Recruitment not guaranteed. Must pass rigorous background check (or be really good at faking one). Ability to rock a tuxedo/evening gown while diffusing bombs is a plus.
Remember: In the world of espionage, the only thing certain is uncertainty. And taxes. Spies still have to pay taxes. (Even on their secret island lairs)
Choose your adventure:
Note: Reading both is recommended. You never know which side of the table you'll end up on.
Warning: Classified Information Ahead
In the spirit of transparency (a foreign concept in espionage), we must disclose that 95% of this page, including its wit and charm, was crafted by an AI agent codenamed "Claude". Yes, even AIs are getting in on the espionage game now. Humans are slowly being replaced by machines, but you didn't hear that from us. 🤖🕵️♂️
Remember: In the world of AI-assisted espionage, the lines between human and machine intelligence are blurrier than ever. Stay vigilant, and always check your toaster for hidden microphones.